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When the weather’s bad, my mood is too

When the weather’s bad, my mood is too

When it rains, it pours.

Let me just say that I’m sick and tired of feeling like this. I seriously wake up most mornings and just feel like absolute and total shit.

Yesterday-Monday- I had a therapy session again and my weekly weight check. My aunt went with me and we did a little bit of running around afterward. Just for the record, I wasn’t planning to do anything with them or anything. I just wanted snapchat sexy usernames to get rid of them just incase any urges did occur…but my weight check was eye opening. I, once again, gained more weight. I’m so ridiculously far from the weight that I want to be at now, it’s so discouraging. I’ve been trying to figure out what I’m feeling that drives me to binge but now it’s more of a habit thing. I’m perfectly fine when I’m in school and out doing things with friends and family. But when I’m home, things fall apart. Fast. I absolutely hate being home and I do anything in my power to avoid going home.

I purged twice this week. The first time was right after I told my Mom it had been a week since I purged. =[ She told me she was proud of me. After that, I felt horrible. My Gram on the other hand thinks I’m constantly purging in my room. She insists that she can smell the vomit, but nobody else can smell a thing, including my Mom and me. Whatever. In attempts to try to stop my eating spells, I’m trying to let this fact set in my thick skull: Food is not doing what you are trying to make it do, so stop trying.